19 Syawal 1431H.
Dictation; something my father taught us when we were in primary school. Who would have taught it came in handy :)
I saw the YouTube video in another person's blog then shared it on Facebook. Bekakira requested me sum it up... but i think this dictation speaks for itself :D
Here's the PDF copy of this post, 60 Ways To Keep Your Wife's Love – Guaranteed!, though it's not as fancy as this post.
60 Ways To Keep Your Wife's Love – Guaranteed!
http://www.ahmadshehab.com/Bismillah hirrahma nirrahim.
*cites in Arabic*
My brothers, my sisters, the believers; the best greeting of Allah s.w.t. to all of you. And upon all the bright faces that make sujud to Allah s.w.t. To all the sincere hearts that finds comfort, happiness, satisfaction, content – trust success with Allah s.w.t.
Today's topic, today's reminder: “Sixty ways to keep the love of your wife – guaranteed!”
It is really an extremely important issue; important reminder for each and everyone of us. It doesn't mean: “You HAVE to apply all the 60 ways”, or “You MUST apply the 60 ways to keep your wife happy” –No!
But sometimes you are not paying attention to one of these 60 ways that is really putting a hole in your relationship, putting a hole in your boat – the boat of your marriage, the boat of your life.
So basically, some of us could apply these 60 ways. Some of us could apply half of them. But really, you want to be a champion. The art of love. The art of great dealing in a husband-to-wife relationship.
Take a look at these sixty ways and you'll really find that each and everyone of us needs them.
And why I chose to start with the sisters; with the wife?
Because they say: “When the husband is happy at home, that mean: one person is happy. But when the wife is happy at home, that means: the whole family is happy.”
And Insya-Allah in the near future, we will – with the help of Allah s.w.t. – produce “60 Ways To Keep The Love of Your Husband – Guaranteed!”
Speaking of the wife; Allah s.w.t. declared in the Qur'an: “*cites in Arabic*”. Allah s.w.t. declaring that from His signs that He created FOR you, FROM you: mates – means: wives.
And, what for?
So you may dwell in tranquility.
And Allah s.w.t. caused among you: Mawaddatan wa Rohmah – Love and Mercy.
So therefore Muslim scholars, from this particular ayat, concluded that the greatest achievement of a marriage – it is tranquility: sakkinah.
If you have no sakkinah; if you have no tranquility in your marriage – you have not marriage.
You have sikkinah – not sakkinah.
Sikkinah is a knife.
Sakkinah means: tranquility, love, peace, comfort.
I will exhibit these 60 ways with the help of Allah s.w.t., explaining briefly: “What does it mean?”, this particular point, or that point.
And Allah s.w.t. will help each and everyone of us to take, pick and choose. Some of us would like to practice all the 60. Some of us would say: “You know what; I'm a champion already in these sixty points. But this is a reminder for me.”
Take a look at this, where Allah s.w.t., showed us that: your wife – it is a trust; she is a trust in your hand. And Rasulullah s.a.w. particularly declared that that this wife is a trust in your hand.
So let us go one point after the second point.
60 ways to keep the love of your wife – guaranteed!
We'll start with the first point (#1) which is:
Make her feel secure.
*cites in Arabic*. Make her feel secure. Make her feel that sakkinah – that tranquility.
Quit the grump* of the Syaitan. Quit the grump that you could get from the supermarket of Iblis the Syaitan. Nauzubillahimin. And that grump called, “I will divorce you”, “I'm gonna kick you out of home”, I'm going to get rid of you”.
Quit that grump. That could put a hole in your marriage.
Second point (#2):
Assalamualaikum.
When you go home, you say, “Assalamualaikum warahmatullah”.
This particular great positive energy, and this great greeting that Rasulullah s.a.w. taught us – it will kick the Syaitan out of your home.
A brother said, “I came home. And suddenly I get so angry at my wife”. But really, she was wise. She just took off and went to other room. I said, “Uh-oh! I didn't pay attention. When I came home, I didn't say, Assalamualaikum”. He said, “Wallahi”.
I left home. I went outside for few seconds. And I came back home. And I said, “Assalamualaikum warahmatullah”. Nobody could hear me. But the evening ended in love and jokes.
That's why, that particular greetings it will kick the Syaitan out of your home, out of your marriage.
*cites in Arabic*
Point number three (# 3):
*cites in Arabic*
Rasulullah s.a.w. urged us, and described your wife is a fragile vessel. Take care of this fragile vessel.
*cites in Arabic*
And remember that I'm adding that part, “*cites in Arabic*”. That means: in this particular vessel – I'm not adding by the way this part to Hadis Rasulullah s.a.w. No on aversion*, no touching of a Hadis Rasulullah s.a.w. But what I'm saying that – in this particular vessel, that there's goodness; there's a lots of goodness.
And Rasulullah s.a.w. ask us to treat this particular vessel in a gentle way.
*cites in Arabic*. What does that mean?
Point number four (#4):
That means: when you want to advise her – this is one way to keep her love.
When you want to advise her, advise her in privacy. Advise her at the best time; that there is some kind of love atmosphere, some kind of romantic atmosphere, some kind of peaceful atmosphere.
Don't advise her in the public.
*cites in Arabic*
Intend advising me, in a privacy.
Avoid advising me in the public.
Advises in the public – it is type of slandering!
I don't accept.
I don't listen to.
This is what the poet said. So sometimes, to administrate, to inject that nice request you have, or advise – it's choose the best time. Choose the time when the mood is good and happy. You will keep her love.
*cites in Arabic*
Point number five (#5):
*cites in Arabic*. Being generous with your wife.
Being generous with her, it shows us that you are kind. And your status with Allah is good because your generosity to your wife is a direct business with Allah s.w.t. And it is a direct credit to her heart.
To be generous with your wife – it keeps her love.
*cites in Arabic*
Point number six (#6):
What does it mean?
Your wife is coming. You're sitting down. You say, “Here, honey”.
You move. You say, “Here, have a seat. I warmed the seat for you”.
You warm the seat for her, she will warm her heart for you.
You know, when you move and you give her a space. “Have a seat”.
These particular points, my brothers, my sisters; they may sound simple but they can go a long way in the heart. And they can really make your life happy. They can make a great difference.
My brothers, my sisters; number seven (#7):
*cites in Arabic*. Means: Avoid anger.
Avoid anger. How?
Keep wuduk. Keep wuduk at all times.
Some of you, some of us, may get angry. Rasulullah s.a.w. showed us, what we supposed to be aware of. You know, you get angry – sit down. That what Rasulullah s.a.w. taught us.
If you are sitting down – lie down. Lie down even on the floor. Some of us will say, “You know, if I lie down, she will come and kick me in the stomach!” – No! She will not kick you in the stomach. You will kick the Syaitan out of your stomach.
*cites in Arabic*. Avoid anger.
My brothers, my sisters; point number eight (#8):
*cites in Arabic*. Means: Looking good, smelling great.
Look good for your wife – it keeps the love. Smell great for your wife – it keeps the love.
And Islamicly by the way, you could spend a good amount of your wealth and perfume and smelling good Islamicly – it's OK! Islamic, really it's desired and is preferred.
These important matters, my brothers, my sisters, can make a huge difference in our life. It can really make us or break us.
Number nine (#9):
*cites in Arabic*. What does that mean?
Don't be rigid; you will be broken.
Some brothers will think, “For me to be rigid, that means: I'm a man!”, you know –No!
Rasulullah s.a.w. taught us that: “*cites in Arabic*”.
“I am the best among you. And I am the best to my wives.”
This is what Rasulullah s.a.w.
So being rigid – you don't get close to Allah s.w.t.
Being harsh-hearted – you don't get close to Allah s.w.t.
Number ten (#10):
*cites in Arabic*
This is really important. That use this *narrator signals his ear* particular satellite but channel that to your wife.
Because sometimes, these particular *sighs* people who complain about their husband, and they come to the masjid, they go and get some counseling; you would find, that really they don't want you to solve their problem. They don't want the husband to solve their problem. They just want a good listener.
Be that good listener.
*cites in Arabic*
Eleven (#11):
*cites in Arabic*. It means:
Yes! – for flattering.
No! – for arguing.
Arguing – it is a serious poison for the relationship, for the marriage.
Al-Uza 'imi* r.a. said, “*cites in Arabic*”.
When Allah s.w.t. wants to cause people evil; Allah would leave them arguing, disputing among themselves.
Therefore, my brothers, my sisters:
Yes! – for flattering.It will keep the love of your wife.
No! – for arguing.
60 ways to keep the love of your wife – guaranteed!
Now we go to twelve (#12):
Rasulullah s.a.w. he taught us a great tip, which is: “*cites in Arabic*”. Call your wife with the best names she like to hear.
Did Rasulullah s.a.w. tried this*?
Yes! He used to call our mother, A'isyah: “Ya, A'ish.” r.a., “Ya, A'ish”.
So there's nothing wrong with you calling your wife, “Sweet pie”, “Honey bun”, “Sweetie”. You know, call her with any name she like. Call her with the name that she loves to hear. That particular practice will go direct to the heart. It is one of the ways to keep her love – guaranteed.
Thirteen (#13):
*cites in Arabic*
Some times, you know, a pleasant surprise. That pleasant surprise, also you think it's to the stomach but it could be to the heart.
There's so many ways to do the pleasant surprise. Maybe she loves, for example, watermelon. And then suddenly you are bringing her a watermelon – when it's not even the season of watermelon – and somehow you bring her watermelon. It's not going to the stomach – this going to the heart! This is called: “a pleasant surprise”.
Pick and choose. Be an artist of surprising her in a pleasant way.
*cites in Arabic*
Number fourteen (#14):
This is serious matter. Preserving the time.
Some brothers, some sisters may say something that takes years to white-out or wipe-out. Rasulullah s.a.w. taught us that the collection of peoples' time will throw them right in their face the Hellfire. Wal iazubillah.
So *cites in Arabic*, preserving the time – it is seriously an important matter.
Fifteen (#15):
*cites in Arabic*. Means: all of us, have shortcoming.
For us to look only in her shortcoming, and to think that we are perfect – it's a really serious problem.
So expect her shortcoming and accept her shortcoming. And Allah s.w.t. will put barakah in your life. And you will have, you will keep as well – her love.
Sixteen (#16):
*cites in Arabic*
*cites in Arabic*. You'll find some brothers, really they love their wives, really they appreciate them, really they like what they have done today or the food they cooked, or the way how they dressed – But they don't say it. They just love it and they appreciate that. They keep it in their heart.
Take it. From your heart or from the tongue of your heart. Put it in the tongue of your mouth. Deliver it.
Show her. Tell her that you appreciate her. Tell her that you like that particular meal she made. Tell her.
*cites in Arabic*. Allah showed us that. To live with them and to deal with them in a good way, in a kind way. So show that appreciation.
Seventeen (#17):
Silaturrahim.
To keep the love of your wife – encourage her to be in-touch with her kin-relation. And to be kind to her Mom and Dad. And to be in-touch with her Mom and Dad.
That brings her life blessings. That brings her life mercy from Allah s.w.t. In return, that blessing and mercy: is your love, is* your mercy, it is your comfort.
Number eighteen (#18):
*cites in Arabic*. Speak of the topic of her interest.
Choose the topic of her interest. You know, sometimes you are 10 hours outside home, 12 hours. And that 1 hour, 2 hours, 3 hours you spend with her, some of us will carry a conversation where really, she has no interest in that.
We'll come and tell her, “You know. Today in my training, I get somebody kicked in the stomach. And he vomited at me...”, and all these, you know. –No!
That's something she is not interested in. Pick a topic of her interest – it will keep the love. It will increase the love. It preserves the love.
Nineteen (#19):
What is nineteen?
*cites in Arabic*
And this is seriously important matter. That right before her relatives, right in front of her relatives that you show that she is wonderful.
That you really mention that she is wonderful. That you admit, and you accept, and you realize, and you confirm that she is wonderful. Show that to her relative.
Speak-out that she is a good person – that can preserve the love.
Twenty (#20):
Rasulullah s.a.w. gave us also a major tips. Because what I'm telling you, my brothers, my sisters, is from the Qur'an and the Sunnah.
Rasulullah s.a.w. in this particular point number twenty: “*cites in Arabic*”. Means: Give each other gifts. You will love each other.
You know that 5 dollar gift, 50 dollar gift, 500 dollar; whatever you could afford. That gift – it goes a long way.
And this is confirmed by Rasulullah s.a.w; that when you give her gift, she will love you – and that will increase the love. And that will polish the love. And you could try that anytime. It works!
When is the last time you bought your wife a gift?
My brothers, my sisters; it doesn't mean that she is my wife, I have to wait for an occasion. –No!
There's an everyday, a reason, why you have to give her a gift.
Take an example. Suppose, you come to my home. While you're drinking your coffee, you pour it on your clothes. You drop the coffee on your clothes. I come take your clothes personally. Wash your clothes. Dry your clothes. Iron your clothes. –What would happen?
I'm sure, for the rest of your life, you will not forget this story. You will not forget what I have done for you.
What about your wife who is doing daily, much more than that. Whether she is working at home – a full time Mom. Whether she is working outside – and again, being also a full time Mom.
*cites in Arabic*
Twenty-one (#21):
*cites in Arabic*. And that means: Getting rid of the rust. Getting rid of the routine.
Surprise her. Make a change. You know, she is day-in day-out living certain routine – Get rid of this routine once in a while. Scrub the rust.
What does that mean?
You know, for example, you could buy a package and surprise her. You know, for the next two days or for the next day, we're staying at the Niagara Falls with a nice hotel, there's nice meals. You know, that small action – it will get rid of the regular rust, the regular routine. It will increase the love. Polishes the love.
One of the ways, in these 60 ways to keep the love of your wife – guaranteed!
Twenty-two (#22):
*cites in Arabic*
Actually, Islamicly, we are requested, and not only requested; we have a demand upon us from Allah s.w.t. that we have to think good.
Now, thinking good of each other – that applies to the wife as well.
*cites in Arabic*. Thinking good of your wife will protect the love, increase the love. One of the ways in these particular advices today, to keep the love of your wife – guaranteed!
Twenty-three (#23):
*cites in Arabic*
You know, when I go through these as point forms, but in reality you are saying, “Wait a second. Maybe I'm short in this point.”, “Maybe I never really practice this point”.
You know; pick and choose, my brothers.
*cites in Arabic*. Means: Have the manners of just pretend you did not hear that word from your wife.
Pretend you did not see certain thing she did.
Of course, I'm not saying something huge and big because if she said, done something terrible – you don't want to help her Syaitan against her. You want to help her against her Syaitan.
But that little things she has done that you didn't like – pretend you did not see it.
*cites in Arabic*. Means: Let little word, something she said that you didn't, you know, like – pretend you did not hear.
That particular manners, or that particular practice; it was a practice of Imam Ali r.a.
This way you are like putting a hole in your memory. Just pretend you did not hear that. Just get rid of it. Don't save it in you memory.
Twenty-three is *cites in Arabic*.
Twenty-four (#24):
And that is a point where definitely we need to practice sometimes, daily. You have to add, a drop of patience. A drop of patience.
A brother told me, that if he really can go back in his life. And just add a drop of patience in things that he faced – he wouldn't be suffering the consequences of such a thing that he lived or suffered.
He said, “I needed really just a drop of patience”.
And speaking of that point; number twenty-four: Increase the drops of patience at the time where she is pregnant or the time of her monthly period. You need to increase – sometimes just one drop of patience. It can go a long way.
Now, we move to point twenty-five (#25):
*cites in Arabic*
Expect her jealousy. Respect her jealousy. Expect and respect.
You know, natural. Our mothers r.a., sometimes they use to get jealous.
Rasulullah s.a.w. got a gift, which is food delivered from the, from the believers, the sisters; the sahabiyat. The servant coming down to Rasulullah s.a.w. with the food. And our mother, A'isyah standing next to Rasulullah s.a.w. She got jealous. She tipped the hand *the narrator pats his right hand on the back of his left hand*. She tipped the hand of the servant. That food fall on the floor.
Take a look at the wisdom of Rasulullah s.a.w. He went down, picking up the food, giving everyone, and said: “*cites in Arabic*”.
“Eat. Your mother got jealous”. It's over.
So expect and respect her jealousy – it protects your love.
*cites in Arabic*
Twenty-six (#26):
*cites in Arabic*. Means: Be humble – you'll really raise in her heart.
Maybe you are an engineer. Maybe you are a doctor. She doesn't have a university degree; but remember, that she's taking care of you and taking care of your heart – which is your children. Because your children is your heart walking on Earth. So she is really. If you are a doctor – she is much more than a doctor.
She is the leader at home. And what I mean by that word: She is really the person that her strength is your strength. And her, really, her success is your success.
So no matter how successful you are, we can't be high and look at her down – No!
Be humble – you'll raise in her heart.
Twenty-seven (#27):
And this is something a lot of brothers, they do practice that. They want to make their friends happy – but in return they make their home miserable.
You know, take an example. Somebody could wakeup his wife one o'clock at night. You know, “We just came here to watch TV. Get up. Make some dinner for us.”
Come on. If you want to take care of the children and the children school. And this way you are making your friends happy. But the price is very high – which is you are putting the price: your happiness is the price. So you are sacrificing your happiness.
Twenty-eight (#28):
*cites in Arabic*
Rasulullah s.a.w. used to help at home.
“*cites in Arabic*”. “I'm the best among you”. This what Rasulullah s.a.w. said: “I'm the best among you”.
Indeed, he was the best of Allah's creation.
“I'm the best among you. And I'm the best to my wives.”
So he used to even sew his own clothes, Rasulullah s.a.w. And to help.
Twenty-nine (#29):
This is where recently, a brother wants to force his wife to love his Mom. –You can't force love in anyone.
You know, help her respect your Mom and Dad. And gradually, the love will come. The love could come instantly but you can't force the love. Rest assure my brothers, my sisters.
You love your Mom and Dad – great!
We love them. And it's the best; one of the best business to deal with Allah s.w.t. is to please your Mom and Dad. But you can't force your wife to love your Mom and Dad.
Help her to respect Mom and Dad. And gradually to love them.
The love in the heart – and only Allah s.w.t. has control of this heart.
You can't force her to love your Mom and Dad.
*cites in Arabic*. Which is: Help her to be kind to your Mom and Dad.
Point number thirty (#30) which is:
When you show your wife that you are a *cites in Arabic*; you are the ideal wife.
Just by her thinking that way – you are not telling a lie. She is in many ways ideal. Each and every wife is an ideal; no matter how good, or great she is, or half great she is. She's an ideal in so many ways.
And make her feel that she is an ideal wife. You know; that will help and will protect the love. Will increase the love.
My brothers, my sisters.
*cites in Arabic*
Point number (#31):
To remember your wife with the doa.
Wallahi. This is matter that will protect the love. It will really – guaranteed – help to increase the love. Not just protect it and stays as is. Specially if she knows that you really choose great timing, and great places to make doa to pray for her. It protects the love.
*cites in Arabic*
Which is point number thirty-two (#32):
Leave the past to Allah s.w.t.
You are not Allah s.w.t. You are not in-charge of her past.
I have counseled a family who really suffered a terrible fights. Then they settle down. Then later fight a terrible fight again. They settled. –What happened?
The husband happened to dig in something his wife did 10 years ago. Some type of negative energy that spills in their life each time he remembers that. It really leads them to big fight. And sometimes a divorce. – Why?
Because that matter was not his business.
You are not Allah s.w.t. The past, *cites in Arabic*. The past for Allah s.w.t.
We don't dig in the past. It brings you; it may brings you misery.
My brothers, my sisters; 60 ways to keep the love of your wife – guaranteed.
Take these and ask Allah s.w.t. to help each and everyone of us to practice these. Because when you are not happy at home – rest assure – you're not going to be happy anywhere else.
That's why sakkinah; sakkinah at home. Allah s.w.t showed us that the tranquility is with the husband and wife. It is at home. The sakkinah – the love and comfort, and security. It is at home.
Point number thirty-three (#33):
*cites in Arabic*
What does that mean?
Don't try to show her that you are doing her a favor to bring food at home, or to bring certain things at home.
Don't show that you are doing them a favor. And you know, “I am doing this!”, and “I am doing that!”. –Why?
Because in reality, me and you – we are only the couriers. We carry the rezeki. We are not the providers. We carry the sustenance. Whatever Allah provide your family – you are not the provider.
Allah is the provider. You are the courier. And to think that way – it protects the love. To avoid showing that: “I'm doing you a favor!” – it protects the love.
Not only that. That's one of the way that you are praising Allah: “Ya Rabbi, I'm only a courier. I'm only a courier to the family”. And it is a way also of humble. Allah s.w.t. will rise you in her heart – and will protect the love. Guaranteed.
Point thirty-four (#34):
*cites in Arabic*
Satan is your enemy.
Your wife is not your enemy. Rest assure – Satan is the enemy. And this is here, where you'd realize that sometimes people – a husband and wife – they're talking somehow, a fight breaks. –Why?
Because you are one, your wife is two, the Satan is number three.
Take the Satan as an enemy. Most of us will know, that if I ask you: “Do you like the Satan?”
“No, I don't like the Satan” – that's not enough to hate the Satan. We have to take the Satan as an enemy.
Allah s.w.t. declared that we had* that the Syaitan is our enemy. *cites in Arabic*. Consider him, deal with him, be aware of him – as an enemy. So you're wife is not the enemy.
The Syaitan loves, loves divorce. Loves to separate between a husband and a wife. Will come everyday. And will said, his; let's suppose an office. Will ask the Shayateen*, the devils: “What have you done?”
Some would say: “I have made this person steal.”“Ok, take this. What have you done?”
“I have made this person drink.”“Ok, take this. What have you done?”
“I have made this person do so, and so.”“Ok, take this. What have you done?”
One of the devils would say: “I have made this man divorce his wife.”The Syaitan will call him. And will say: “You! Come here”. And will get crowned. Will put a crown on him.
So therefore, rest assure; your wife is not your enemy – the Syaitan is an enemy. Take him as an enemy. Deal with him as an enemy.
Rest assure that sometimes when you talk to your wife, he is the one who tries to throw words in your mouth to fire at her. Or words in her mouth to fire at you. Be aware of the Syaitan. Nauzubillahhimin.
Thirty-five (#35):
Rasulullah s.a.w. taught us that when you take the food, and you put it into her mouth – into your wife's mouth – this is a blessing. You will get blessing. You'll get rewarded.
Not only that! It's not going to the stomach – it's going to the heart. It increases the love. It increases the mercy.
One of the way to keep the love of your wife – guaranteed!
Thirty-six (#36):
Some of us would consider his wife like: a precious pearl – which is a nice way to think of it and to look at it as; “She is a precious pearl”, “One of the most precious pearl”. We'll tell you: “My wife is my princess. She is my precious pearl.”
You know, the precious pearl; you don't leave it hanging just in the floor, or just laying on the floor. You know, the precious pearl; you don't leave it just for anyone to touch or to abuse. –No!
The most precious pearl on Earth – if you ask someone and say: “Which one is more precious? Your wife, or the most precious pearl on Earth?”
He would say: “My wife.”
So, therefore protect your wife – protect this precious pearl – from the envy of the Shayateen*. *cites in Arabic*. The devils of the human type, or the devils of the genie type – Protect her from that type of envy.
And speaking of the pearls; now we go to point thirty-seven (#37):
Show her your pearls.
What does that mean? –Show her your smile.
Show her your smile. Some of us, outside home, he will smile for everyone. Anyone in the street he will smile for them. Even a raccoon walking in the street; he will smile for the raccoon. But when it comes to home, the mouth is out-of-service – there is no smile. That face is so rigid like a hard bread. If he smile, he would think that's going to crack. –No!
Smile for your wife – it is a sedekah.
Your smile – it is like giving a charity. And it brings a beautiful positive energy into her heart. It protects the love. It increases the love.
Thirty-eight (#38):
*cites in Arabic*
That sometimes, small spark; you leave somewhere. Come later on, you'll find the whole building on fire.
Small stones, or small pebble; just adding-up, adding-up, adding-up – it will cause a big mountain, or a big wall to be between you and your wife.
This little problem that you, or little challenge that you really did not take care of – it becomes a problem. And that little challenge that really you ignored and you repeated – that little things that she didn't like; you repeated that – it becomes a problem.
And these little things, they will add-up and you'll so suddenly find that there is walls between you and her. Don't ignore these little matters – Deal with them.
Sometimes there could be a small challenges. Ignoring them could become a serious big problem.
Thirty-nine (#39):
*cites in Arabic*
Rasulullah s.a.w., “*cites in Arabic*”, means: Avoid being harsh-hearted and just moody.
Rasulullah s.a.w. – Allah glorified him. Allah s.w.t. honored him by saying: “*cites in Arabic*”. “If you were hard, harsh-hearted they would've break-away from you”, means: the Companions would leave you – and as a confirmation that Rasulullah s.a.w. was not hard, harsh-hearted.
So if you happen to be one of those people their chest is so tight and you are so moody – get rid of it. It protects your love. One of the ways to keep the love of your wife – guaranteed!
Forty (#40):
Respect her thinking.
Because her thinking – it is a strength for you. And show that you respect her thinking. Show you appreciate her thinking. – Really!
Sometimes you are listening to her; the way how she's thinking, or the way how she suggested something – Show that you really like that suggestion. Show that you really appreciate that particular thought.
Respecting her thought – it keeps the love.
Forty-one (#41):
Help her to dig in her heart; help her to dig within to discover more skills.
Because her success is your success. Help her to dig and find success within. That will keep the love. It will protect the love.
Forty-two (#42), my brothers, my sisters:
This is a serious matter, which is: “*cites in Arabic*”.
Respecting the intimate relationship, and the boundaries of it. And you could go a long conversation in this particular point by itself.
Rasulullah s.a.w. for example; showed us that, you know, she is a fragile. So that particular vessel – she got to be handled carefully.
The relationship; the intimate relationship has boundaries, and has limitations. Sometimes maybe she's not feeling well – she is sick. You got to respect that feeling. You got to respect and appreciate that she is not in a mood to be ready for your desire. Respect that particular feeling – it protects the love.
Respect the boundaries that: “How can I enjoined with my wife through the ways that Allah s.w.t. permitted?”, for you; which is through the way that she delivers the baby. Which called: the vagina.
So, respect the boundaries of the intimate relationship. Respect the boundaries of the intimate relationship to stay all the time in the halal boundaries. That will protect the love. It protects the relationship. It protects your marriage.
One of the 60 ways to keep the love of your wife – guaranteed!
Forty-three (#43):
*cites in Arabic*
Means: our children, they are really our heart walking on Earth. Help her to take care of your heart.
You know, you will find some of the brothers will think to help with the children, “I'm a less of a man if I help with the children.” –No!
You are a bigger man. You are more respected. You are even more with... in the sight of Allah, and Rasulullah s.a.w. when you help her with your children.
One way to keep the love – guaranteed!
Forty-four (#44):
*cites in Arabic*. The gifts of the tongue.
Some of us will think to say something nice to your wife, means: “You know, I'm mushy”, “I'm just giving her sweet talk”. –No! These is the gifts of the tongue.
Tell her that: “You know; you look great today”, “You know; masya-Allah, you're so bright!”, “You know; something about you today – masya-Allah! It feels like, you know; we just got married today! The way how you...”, – give her the gifts of the tongue.
Be an artist. Pick and choose what you're going to say to her. You know; it is not being hypocrite –No! This is the gifts of the tongues.
Forty-five (#45):
*cites in Arabic*
Some wives would say: “You know; my husband. I really sit-down and eat with him. My husband really doesn't know how my food taste. He's always on the go. He's always busy.”
Don't be strange to sit-down, and to eat with her.
Don't be strange to put that particular food in her mouth where previously I mentioned; for these people, just to sit-down. I happen to actually counsel a family where the wife really, like crave – crave for her husband to sit-down and have a meal her.
That protects the love. Increases the love.
And my brothers, my sisters; all these points where I'm mentioning – I'm not inventing thoughts. I'm not inventing a rocket. These just a reminders. It really help each and every one of us – That even you could give this CD to someone who's just getting married, or wants to get married, or in a wedding party – rest assure.
Anyone will benefit from these points because they are from the Qur'an and the Sunnah – I benefit, you benefit, everyone benefit. Insya-Allah. May Allah s.w.t. put barakah in this effort.
Forty-six (#46):
*cites in Arabic*
Let her know that you are traveling.
Don't surprise her. Not only that – let her know that you are coming; what day, what time.
It is against Islam that you just surprise her and knock the door on her. It is against Islam – so let her know when you are leaving. Let her know when you are coming. Don't surprise her.
*cites in Arabic*
Forty-seven (#47):
*cites in Arabic*
Some of us will start carrying a particular debate, or let's say: Half argument which is preferably always of avoid arguing.
But as soon there's some type of a conversation that could lead to arguments, or could lead to a bit of challenge; he would right away feel like a magnet – pulling him out of home.
–Don't. Don't cooperate with this magnet.
As soon you're leaving home; in certain situations, it might be just for you to leave that 5 minutes, 2 minutes. Might be healthy.
But for some of us who will just assume something happen – he will just leave home.
Quit this – it will protect your love. It will really enhance your love.
One of the 60 ways to keep the love of your wife – guaranteed!
My brothers, my sisters; *cites in Arabic*.
Point number forty-eight (#48):
That the home has secrecy and privacy.
Once you take this privacy to the public; and these secrecy of your wife and privacy, to your best friend, or to your two, three, four friends – you're really putting a serious dangerous hole into your marriage and into your love relation.
These secrets stays home. These privacy stays home. And Islam is against taking these privacy and secrecy, and just leave as like a garage sale for anyone to come-pick-and-choose.
We go to forty-nine (#49):
And this is really beautiful.
That you encourage each other with the ibadat; with worshiping Allah s.w.t. –That increases the love.
You know; you plan a trip for haji or umrah together – that really increases the love. Really enhance the love. It makes the love so genuine.
To help each other to worship Allah s.w.t. and to share these ibadat: “Let's go for umrah!”, “Let's go to the masjid and listen to this particular qari, or this particular speaker, this particular dars*: lesson.”
Help each other with the ibadat: “Let's go and make tahajud today.”
My brothers, my sisters; it protects the love. It enhances the love.
Point number fifty (#50):
That to know that her rights – not only written on piece of paper. –No!
What they are really fighting nowadays saying, “Syariah, syariah!” –No! Her rights not only written on piece of paper – it is engraved in your heart. It is engraved in your conscious. –Really!
We don't need anyone to engrave them in our hearts. We have to really engrave them ourself: Her rights upon you – engraved on your heart, engraved in your conscious.
Fifty-one (#51):
*cites in Arabic*
Allah s.w.t. declared that in the Qur'an: “*cites in Arabic*.”
You know, leave with them with kindness. Be the best for your wife. Treat them with kindness. Treat them with goodness. –That will go a long way.
And that means: in the happy time or in the sad time, you treat her with kindness, with fairness. In the time of prosperity or diversity; you're treating her with kindness, with goodness, with fairness.
May Allah s.w.t. help us all to practice these points, my brothers. May Allah s.w.t. help us to practice them with sincerity and to enjoy the delicious taste of practicing these points. And you could add to these points when we say, “60 ways to keep the love of your wife – guaranteed!”, you could add.
Fifty-one. Fifty-two (#52):
*cites in Arabic*
Rasulullah s.a.w. showed us that there's a messenger; a messenger at the time of intimate relationship – It is the kiss.
And we have to understand that a man can't just jump on his wife like a bull. –No! You know; there's a messenger here.
Rasulullah s.a.w. taught us, which is: “*cites in Arabic*”.
The kiss is the messenger – It gives the love. It really polishes the love.
Fifty-three (#53):
Some of us, when we have a problem; dispute. Small problem with our love one. You know; you'll go and share it with everyone. –No!
You know, when you are wounded; you don't leave your wound for the germs. –You don't!
Because that will be dangerous for your wound.
And when you have a dispute with your wife, it's not available – this – for anyone because that will dirty the situation and will be so dangerous.
–Yes, you may find one brother that you trust so much. Not only trust his love; you've got to trust his wisdom, you've got to trust his knowledge of Islam. Because he could really love you but maybe, he's the worst person to advise you. Maybe he could love you but he has no knowledge of Islam to advise you properly.
So this is* like, leaving your wound open for the germs.
We have to be careful my brothers, my sisters.
And now we move to fifty-four (#54):
To know that the health: the good health of your wife – it is your health, it is your good health.
To really show her that you care for her health – really – you are engraving in her heart your love.
To care for her health – that really, in return – it is strength to your health. In return, you are really caring for your own health. Showing her that will keep the love, and protect the love, increases the love.
Fifty-five (#55):
Some brothers will think that: “I am right all the time”. –“Right! I'm always right! No matter what; I'm always right!”
They could not accept that: “Wait a second, my brother; no matter how good you are – you are not perfect! No matter how good you are – you have shortcoming. No matter how good you are – you could never be always right!” –Get rid of this sickness.
Those people who would think that: “I'm always right!” –May Allah help you. May Allah cure you.
You are not always right. The one who is always right is Rasulullah s.a.w.
You are not always right. Get rid of this disease. –It protects your love. It increases your love.
Fifty-six (#56):
Your happiness, your sadness – share that with her.
Fifty-seven (#57):
Have mercy on her weakness.
Have mercy on her weakness. Have mercy on her when she is weak, or when she is strong. Have mercy on her because she is the fragile vessel. She is the one that really take care of your love ones, your children. And she is the one entrust in your hand.
This what Rasulullah s.a.w. showed us: that this wife is a trust in your hand.
Fifty-eight (#58):
You are the comfortable chest for her. You are the one who would say: “Lean on me”, in the difficult time, “Lean on me”, in the sad time, “Lean on me when you need a chest to lean on”.
Be that chest for her.
Rest assure. She lean on your chest but she will love your heart. And you will protect the love. You'll protect her love. And you'll protect your marriage.
To be that comfortable, and soft, and tender type of a person that she could lean on.
Fifty-nine (#59):
Accept her as is.
This is what Rasulullah s.a.w. showed us, that: she is like, she is created from the rib. And if we see the rib; the rib is not straight. The rib is going this way *narrator shows a bent right index finger*. –It's not straight.
You know; accept her.
Try to straighten her – you will break the 'rib'. And that means: divorce.
Accept her as is. Accept her weakness. –You will love her. She would love you. You will protect the love.
And Allah s.w.t., Rasulullah s.a.w. showed us that you may dislike one habit or one manners of her but you will love another manner. So accept her as is.
Finally, I would say. My brothers, my sisters; number sixty (#60):
*cites in Arabic*
Think, means: having the good intention for your wife at all times. – It goes a long way.
Because that intention; Allah s.w.t. monitors your intention. Allah s.w.t. monitors your heart.
Have a good niat. Have a good intention for your wife.
We go back to Allah s.w.t. who said: “*cites in Arabic*”.
That from His signs; that He created FOR you, FROM you: mates – means: wives.
So you may dwell in tranquility.
And Allah caused among you: Love and Mercy.
May Allah s.w.t. fill our homes with tranquility, love, and mercy.
My brothers; a listener can be much better than a speaker.
*cites in Arabic*
Please remember me with your doa.
Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh.
Abbreviations
- r.a. -- radhi Allahu anhu (for males) and radhi Allahu anha (for females)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peace_be_upon_him_%28Islam%29
- s.a.w. -- ṣall Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peace_be_upon_him_%28Islam%29
- s.w.t. -- Subhanahu wa ta'ala
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subhanahu_wa_ta%27ala
Notes
- This diction is based-on another person's two-part YouTube video:
- Part 1: 60 ways to keep your wife's love GUARANTEED!!! part 1/2
- Part 2: 60 ways to keep your wife's love GUARANTEED!!! part 2/2
- Consider this as fan-work, and a request by a friend. I have no connections whatsoever with the narrator, nor the video uploader, nor do I personally know them.
- I do not have the video in my safekeeping. All diction was done online at the above-mentioned URLs.
- What is written here dictates casually what is spoken.
- Some spoken words (highlighted* as such) aren't clear to me, so I take the nearest word in sound and meaning.
2 ulasan:
thanks. :)
you're welcome :)
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